5 Signs that Preschoolers Know More About Life than We Do

As a teacher aide, I am privy to some of the most witty yet insightful comedy in the South Bay. Sure, they may be three years old, but they know what's up.

1. A standard preschool practice for children is the grand announcement that they are going to the bathroom. They march off to the toilet, do their business, and return in a flurry of pride, energy, and excitement--the result of an empty colon. One little boy was particularly pleased to inform me that he could "wipe his butt all by himself." I can't understand why more people don't brag about that skill on their Match.com profiles.
2. Lunchtime has long been considered an opportunity to enjoy food with colleagues, but in the preschool world, it is so much more. Upon learning that another little girl or boy has the same Capri Sun as you, a loud declaration is made for the rest of the lunchtable to hear--"Now we can be friends!" Heaven forbid they both have Goldfish, or apple sauce, or strawberry kiwi flavored Gogurt (which, by the way, is completely lukewarm at this point...ice packs are a thing of the past apparently). The second item sets their companionship in stone, at least until they wear the same colored leggings--then they're soulmates.
3. The socially unacceptable practice of genitalia comparison is quite popular among the three to four year old crowd. On more than one occasion, I have unintentionally stumbled upon a pair of preschoolers giving each other anatomy lessons in the bathroom. And despite our scolding, they remain eerily aware of the one vital difference between boys and girls. Not that it deters them from going potty in front of opposite sex or asking me to me to button their pants post pee-break with a sly grin on their face.
4. While "nails on a chalkboard" is a commonly used term to symbolize loud, obnoxious noises, it seems that preschoolers have perfected the art of hitting the kind of pitch akin to a dog whistle. Whether it be a Lincoln log dragged slowly across a table or a dry marker scratched rapidly on paper, these sounds result in instantaneous reactions from teachers to their delight. These outbursts are merely symbolic of the pubescent hell in years to come when these adorable rascals hit high school and a Lincoln log turns into a bong.
5. The formulaic "boy meets girl" story, though commonly viewed as a coming of age tale, is prevalent among teenagers and preschoolers alike. Similar to comparing food to friendship, boys and girls of the toddler persuasion are equally likely to compare playmates to relationships. While we have several couples who are going steady, I have seen everything from love triangles to full on catfights over boys who couldn't even wipe their own bottoms post poo. A favorite little boy of mine happened to be looking particularly glum one day; when I asked him what was wrong, he confessed that he had been dumped. I did my best to scale down the pearls of wisdom my elders had bestowed upon me, reassuring him that I was sure she'd play with him in the sandbox tomorrow. Tears welling in his eyes, he solemnly nodded his head and as a parting sentiment, proclaimed "I don't understand girls."

Amazing how much older and wiser we claim to be, and yet somehow the simplest things are only visible through the eyes of a toddler. Though we may grow up, the same complications plague our lives, and while he may be nineteen years my junior, we still have something in common--the neverending saga of the "boy meets girl" tale.