Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?

Something every person seems to hope for on the verge of the coming new year is change. Change is a pretty broad term to use, but when we find ourselves at the end of a decade that marks the most formidable years of our lives, it's the only word that comes to mind.

So rather than waxing existentially about change in terms of other people, I'm opting for some personal insight about what I'd like to change in 2010.

1--Fashion throwbacks to the 80s. Really, I'm quite sick of the so called "hipster" subculture that has emerged over the past three years. Leggings as pants is just as socially unacceptable now as it should have been in 1986. Neon does not look attractive on anyone. Feathered hair should be limited to Farrah Fawcett and the rest of the Charlie's Angels. And you know the only reason sane women find Michael Cera attractive is because of his certain alt indie appeal.
2--The monogamy trend. I know I'm repeating myself, but the category of single men in their early to mid twenties is shockingly non existent. How is a future trophy wife supposed to snag a beau when everyone already has a date to the 34th Annual Newport Beach Clam Bake? How is an aspiring soccer mom supposed to meet her soccer dad when all the coaches are taken? Your twenties exist for a reason--to continue where your college years left off and have a good time. In a grown up way, of course.
3--Female empowerment. Something I've been encountering during my interactions with the opposite sex is the idea that women and men are suddenly "equal." While I'd like to say this is true, I have seen too many instances of inequality in both professional and social environments. However, the idea of "female empowerment" is something that men have suddenly picked up on, and rather than abolish it, they exploit it. Since when is a date a date if a man expects you to pay for everything? Why am I expected to open my own car door and buckle my seat belt too when I'm just a weak little female? I get lost walking down the street, why do I have to drive? Give me the days of 'ole where my only expectations were a clean house and a hot meal at 5 pm. And child bearing hips.
4--Romantic comedies. This film trend has been on the rise ever since "Jerry Maguire" became a hit in '96. You know what I would like to see more of? Zombie movies. Give me a hacksaw, blood, and the undead anyday over the "You complete me" bs spilling out of Tom Cruise's mouth.

The Facebook Deletion Taboo

Maybe you did it in a fit of rage. Maybe you had one too many rum and Cokes. Maybe you were unsure what the side effects of blocking a person were. At any rate, it's safe to say that Facebook friend deletion has become the new social taboo of our generation. Not only does it signify the end of secretly stalking that person (which, by the way, both women AND men are guilty of...just ask if the title "Undie Run Album" means anything to them), but quite possibly the end of your friendship in real life. There's nothing like sitting down at your computer with your daily bowl of Cheerios in front of you, only to realize that you've been brutally deleted from someone's life. When did social networking replace actual human interaction? Why have Facebook relationships replaced those based in reality?

Facebook has become a means of legitimizing our rung on the social ladder. After all, what's more exciting about getting a new beau--the fact that you have a boyfriend, or the fact that you get to declare it to 35 million people via your relationship status? Posting photos is not just an easy way to share pictures with friends, but a prime opportunity to sell yourself to thousands of horny undergrad males just dying to show off albums of you in your underwear to their friends.

Yet again I'm being entirely hypocritical, for not only do I post obscene amounts of photos, I also committed the taboo. I deleted someone off Facebook. Admittedly this was done under the influence of alcohol, but I don't use that as an excuse, simply an explanation. However stupid and childish it may have been, I never expected the reaction that this friend deletion garnered, and it's made me think about the values we place on Facebook relationships over real ones. Does it honestly matter if we're friends on cyberspace if we're friends in real life? I didn't think so.

Ultimately, I realized I made a mistake and re added my friend, but imagine my dismay when I learned they had rejected my request! If Facebook has truly replaced the actual ties of friendship with another person, then maybe it's for the best...after all, I have 871 more people on my friends list to keep me company.

The Curious Case of the Ex Boyfriend

Everyone has them. The former prince charming, love of your life, can't-be-apart-for-more-than-30-seconds ex boyfriend. These are the men from our past-- the ones who cheated, lied, and significantly fucked us up for any and all future relationships we dare to embark upon. There are some who choose to make a clean break, severing ties on and off the internet (though I must admit, Facebook deletion is the ultimate slap in the face). However, there are a few brave souls who choose an alternate route when it comes to the infamous exes, and that is the pathethic and ever disappointing stab at post breakup friendship.

I personally happen to be one of the crazy people out there that actually believes friendship with an ex is possible. With time, however, I'm slowly coming to learn that true to Billy Crystal's word in "When Harry Met Sally," men and women cannot be friends.

There are several factors that taint male/female friendship without the added complication of a prior boyfriend/girlfriend status, but the number one reason is sex. No matter what people claim, sex is the driving force in most 18-26 year olds' lives. This is the primary reason why friendship between men and women is inevitably doomed to become tainted by either a one sided or mutual attraction between parties. In summation, sex kills friendship.

Back to the ex factor. To quote another celeb, look to songstress Whitney Houston for the ever poignant and straightforward 90s ballad, "I Will Always Love You." The title says it all. No matter how many years have passed or how many bottles of tequila have been consumed whilst cursing the day they were born, there will always been a part of you, no matter how infinitesimally small, that still loves them. And though you will date and fall in love with many others, all it takes is that one song or that one place or that one stupid scene in Love Actually with the guy and the flashcards and the "To me, you are perfect," bullshit for you to think of them.

Which brings me back to my original query--why stay friends with exes when you're basically dooming yourself to future of misery?

I'd say that within my short lifetime, I've had about 3 significant relationships with men and have maintained friendships with all of them. However, what I'm starting to realize is that one of the reasons I keep them as friends is to remind myself that once upon a time, things were wonderful and easy, and the reason these friendships don't work is because I am constantly reminded of how one-sided they have become. Once a person shifts from girlfriend to friend who's a girl, her level of importance changes. Even the term "significant other" connotates a sense of the place this person used to hold in your life. However, once a "former" is stuck in front of the term, things change.

So while I'm not about to cut ties with the men of my past, I'm not going to prolong the rut of nostalgia between us either. After all, there's a reason they didn't make it to my future.

Archaelogical Dig of Desk Drawer Circa 1997 and Beyond

Date: December 1, 2009
Time: 2:45 pm Pacific Standard Time
Place: The desk drawer of an adolescent Caucasian female, aged 11-18 years old
Artifacts found: One, "All About Me" scrapbook containing photos, memorabilia, and random insightful sentences such as, "My favorite clothes are bellbottoms and baby tees," and "The thing I like most about myself is my hair."
Two, box of rainbow pencils emblazoned with the name "JESSICA"
Three, assortment of newspaper clippings and computer printouts of strange child with glasses and a lightning bolt on his forehead wielding a wand (Note--nearby sticker proclaiming "I'm a Gryffindor" may or may not be related).
Four, collection of wallet size high school dance photos, seemingly gathered from subject's friends (Note--awkward positioning of male behind female with arms positioned around female's stomach).
Five, piece of scrap cloth with phrase, "Cheer Up Emo Kid" printed in ink on the front, possibly intended for usage on clothing.
Six, empty Trojan latex condom wrapper.
Seven, Angeles Girl Scout Council card.
Eight, typed interaction between two parties, one "geniegirl" and other "capupURass27"; selections include, "I just think yer hott" and "Well yer ass is nice."


Oh nostalgia. You're a cruel bitch.