"We need to make books cool again." --John Waters

It has recently occurred to me that by the time I get around to procreating, there's a good chance that my children won't own books anymore. Not to say they won't read; anyone who knows me knows that my offspring will be spoonfed Tolkien and Rumi from the womb. The way the publishing industry is heading, however, makes me seriously concerned that the era of printed books is coming to an end. While there's no denying the convenience of an e-reader (or whatever the hell you call it, I googled to no avail), there is something that strikes me as inherently wrong in replacing print with a flat, lifeless computer screen. I guess in the end you can take my newspapers, you can take my libraries, but you can never take my books (*to be read out loud in a William Wallace voice*).

5 Reasons Why Books Are Still the Best (and you can take your Kindle, Nook, etc, and suck it)

1. The smell--Follow these simple step by step instructions to drink in the absolute pleasure that is the musty book smell. 1) Head to your nearest library 2) Enter said library and proceed to a section that is most likely to be deserted (I'm a fan of the 1920's historical fiction section, which may or may not be a section I have entirely fabricated) 3) Ensure the aisle you have selected is uninhabited, as you don't want people thinking you're a book perv 4) Select a book at random, preferably one with an unlaminated cover and a partially deteriorated spine 5) Upon opening, double check that its front jacket is still emblazoned with an aged check out card. This ensures that the book is from the appropriate era for the desired smell effect. 6) Open to the very middle of the book, insert your nose to spine depth, and inhale. Smells like history doesn't it? Last time I checked, my Ipad didn't have an app for that.
2. Sex appeal--Is it just me or does a man with a full library ooze sexiness? I'm talking multiple shelves, stacked to the brims, books on books on books kind of library. Throw in a plaid shirt and we have ourselves a winner ladies and gentlemen. I've determined recently that aside from being an SC fan, not being a reader is a deal breaker for me. It's books or bupkis basically. Get your ass to a Barnes and Noble.
3. Easier dramatic quote pagination--As a relic of the era when kids still carried books to class, it has been a struggle for me to transition to the usage of online textbooks. How will I take notes? How will I easily flip to the page I need during the Internet exam ensuring that I get the correct answer? (as if you actually thought students absorbed and retained anything they learn in an online class). Whether it be for class or for impressing the ladies at the bar by quoting Shakespeare, nothing beats an old underlined and earmarked copy of Romeo and Juliet.
4. A sense of permanence--I'd be lying if I said a major reason for my obsessive documentation of life wasn't self preservation. Luckily I'm not the only one out there who feels the same; literary greats from Fitzgerald to Hemmingway often integrated loved ones and real life experiences into their work. While blogging has taken the place of the good ole key locked diary from the sixties, there is something to be said for having a hand written account of your college years at your disposal. Except that doesn't smell like history, it smells like beer and bad decisions.
 5. You're killing the written word dammit. No explanation required. Buy more books. Period.