In honor of the upcoming holiday (Singles Awareness Day...har har har), an homage to one of the most written about signs of affection--the kiss.
The Top 5 Best Kinds of Kisses (or at the very least, my own top 5)
5. The First Kiss- No matter what the circumstance, any girl today could tell you the who, what, when, and where of her first kiss. Heart pounding, throat tightening, butterflies in the stomach; all of these feelings can be summed up in the final moments before the first time your lips touch with someone new. Maybe it's excitement, maybe it's hormones, but whatever the case, The First Kiss remains rooted in the top 5.
4. The Nose Kiss- There are probably hundreds, no, thousands of places on a girl's body to kiss that ignite a veritable fireworks display of giddiness, but for me, it's the tip of my nose. Just a simple little peck and boom, I'm a goner. There's probably no quicker way to make me smile, unless you crack a Helen Keller joke.
3. The Intimate Kiss- There's something to be said for the kinds of long, drawn out kisses that fall under the Intimate Kiss category. Boyfriend or not, these are the kinds of makeout sessions that become burned into our memories, and ususally signify the start of something new.
2. The Surprise Kiss- This is a simple combination of two things most girls love--kissing and surprises. What woman doesn't want to be kissed Gone With The Wind style by a dashing Southern gentleman? If she's saying no, it probably means yes, yes, oh yes. Unless she says it several times and attempts to push you off of her. Then you should listen lest you wind up in jail.
1. The Reunion Kiss- Boys. Rent "The Notebook." Follow these simple instructions to execute the perfect Reunion Kiss.
One- Spot girl from across a sizeable amount of distance i.e. large grassy field, airport arrival gate, etc.
Two- Run/jog 20% to her 80%, as she has shorter legs and will take longer to reach you.
Three- Bend knees slightly and open your arms. Ready your body for impact.
Four- Wrap your arms around her and lift.
Five- Commence awesomely public makeout session of joy.
You can thank me later for these tips.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
"Why didn't they have mobile phones in the 1920s? Think how many misunderstandings in the world could have been avoided." --Sophie Kinsella
Hate to disagree with you Soph, but I think we could learn a lot by taking a hint from our ancestors and giving our thumbs a rest.
5 Reasons Why Text Messaging is Pointless, Irritating, and Utterly Reprehensible
1. The Mass Text- Back when email was the new and hip form of communication, there was nothing I dreaded more than a sickeningly sweet chain letter. Ranging from Bible verses to animated farm animals, these messages were intended to brighten your day, lift your spirits, and put a smile on your face...until you read the subtext at the bottom, which stated that if you didn't forward said message to every damn person in your Address Book, your grandma would drop dead and you would be cursed with syphilis. While The Mass Text doesn't come with the aforementioned threat at the end, it's still just as annoying, if not moreso. Every holiday I dread the flood of messages to my inbox, wishing me "Merry Christmas! xOxO!" from people I haven't talked to since middle school. Next I'm faced with the stress of choosing to respond or not, (as you will learn below, my biggest pet peeve is The Unreturned Text), and if I respond, what I should say. Surely a simple, "Thanks!" should suffice, but sometimes this opens up the floodgates of communication, followed by the obligatory, "We should catch up sometime!" text that I now feel guilted into seeing someone I really have no interest or desire to see much less converse with in person. In summation, I hate your mass text. Stop sending them to me.
2. The Booty Text- Any living, breathing member of the undergrad category has both sent and received The Booty Text. Whether drunk or sober, we are human, and sometimes our needs must be met. However, The Booty Text lacks all the romance and mystery that has fueled some of the greatest love stories of all time. What if the ending of Casablanca was not summed up in the words, "Here's lookin' at you kid," but "Hey Ilsa, gr8 2 c u, whut r u doin l8r?" Pick up the phone and call me dammit; I'll be more likely to respond to that and not a message asking me to watch a movie at 3 am. I'm not retarded.
3. The Mass Booty Text- One of the most inexcusable offenses in the world of texting is receiving a message, exchanging in flirtatious banter, then realizing the other person has no idea who they're talking to. If this sounds familiar, you have been a victim of The Mass Booty Text. I'm pretty sure the concept was invented by guys, because I like to think we females are slightly more selective in who we slut around with, but it's fairly simple--send an innocuous "What's up?" text to every girl in your phone and see who responds. From there, you can pick and choose which ones to pursue, even multitasking lest one girl falls asleep, flakes out, or God forbid, has her period. Just one more reason why anytime I receive what I suspect to be a Mass Booty Text, my textbook response is, "Just finished delousing my pubic hair, you?"
4. The Guilt Text- Everyone has those certain friends who seem to be drawn to drama like frat boys to beer. A shitty day at work, relationship woes, swine flu--you name it, they got it. And just as quickly as they are to piss and moan via paragraphs upon paragraphs of cell phone diarrhea, they expect an even faster response from you in the form of the dreaded Guilt Text. Nothing goads me more than a sympathy digger; not only do I have to pretend to feel sorry for you, but I have to sell it, because just like sympathy diggers are wise to the well practiced game of bullshit, they can smell it just as easily. Easily the fastest way to piss off a writer is to demand bullshit on command--we may dish it out, but that doesn't mean we like it, and that doesn't make it an acceptable text message practice.
And the worst of all...
5. The Unreturned Text- Day or night, rain or shine, my cell phone is always within an earshot. I could be sleeping, going to the bathroom, or performing open heart surgery--if I receive a text, I am well aware of the fact. That's why The Unreturned Text is Numero Uno on my short list of Things I Cannot Stand. I understand the various reasons for not responding to a message in a moment's notice; life exists outside of a cell phone, and most certainly out of a few lines of written text. However, after 24 hours have elapsed, a girl could start to think something has gone wrong. Maybe you've been kidnapped by terrorists and I should alert the Department of Homeland Security. Maybe you've fallen into a well and I need to fetch Lassie lest you get eaten by Samara. At any rate, not responding to a text message says several things, the most important being that I was not important enough to respond to.
So here is what I'm going to do. I am going to take my own advice and give my thumbs a rest. As for the rest of you, well...you know my number. Call it.
5 Reasons Why Text Messaging is Pointless, Irritating, and Utterly Reprehensible
1. The Mass Text- Back when email was the new and hip form of communication, there was nothing I dreaded more than a sickeningly sweet chain letter. Ranging from Bible verses to animated farm animals, these messages were intended to brighten your day, lift your spirits, and put a smile on your face...until you read the subtext at the bottom, which stated that if you didn't forward said message to every damn person in your Address Book, your grandma would drop dead and you would be cursed with syphilis. While The Mass Text doesn't come with the aforementioned threat at the end, it's still just as annoying, if not moreso. Every holiday I dread the flood of messages to my inbox, wishing me "Merry Christmas! xOxO!" from people I haven't talked to since middle school. Next I'm faced with the stress of choosing to respond or not, (as you will learn below, my biggest pet peeve is The Unreturned Text), and if I respond, what I should say. Surely a simple, "Thanks!" should suffice, but sometimes this opens up the floodgates of communication, followed by the obligatory, "We should catch up sometime!" text that I now feel guilted into seeing someone I really have no interest or desire to see much less converse with in person. In summation, I hate your mass text. Stop sending them to me.
2. The Booty Text- Any living, breathing member of the undergrad category has both sent and received The Booty Text. Whether drunk or sober, we are human, and sometimes our needs must be met. However, The Booty Text lacks all the romance and mystery that has fueled some of the greatest love stories of all time. What if the ending of Casablanca was not summed up in the words, "Here's lookin' at you kid," but "Hey Ilsa, gr8 2 c u, whut r u doin l8r?" Pick up the phone and call me dammit; I'll be more likely to respond to that and not a message asking me to watch a movie at 3 am. I'm not retarded.
3. The Mass Booty Text- One of the most inexcusable offenses in the world of texting is receiving a message, exchanging in flirtatious banter, then realizing the other person has no idea who they're talking to. If this sounds familiar, you have been a victim of The Mass Booty Text. I'm pretty sure the concept was invented by guys, because I like to think we females are slightly more selective in who we slut around with, but it's fairly simple--send an innocuous "What's up?" text to every girl in your phone and see who responds. From there, you can pick and choose which ones to pursue, even multitasking lest one girl falls asleep, flakes out, or God forbid, has her period. Just one more reason why anytime I receive what I suspect to be a Mass Booty Text, my textbook response is, "Just finished delousing my pubic hair, you?"
4. The Guilt Text- Everyone has those certain friends who seem to be drawn to drama like frat boys to beer. A shitty day at work, relationship woes, swine flu--you name it, they got it. And just as quickly as they are to piss and moan via paragraphs upon paragraphs of cell phone diarrhea, they expect an even faster response from you in the form of the dreaded Guilt Text. Nothing goads me more than a sympathy digger; not only do I have to pretend to feel sorry for you, but I have to sell it, because just like sympathy diggers are wise to the well practiced game of bullshit, they can smell it just as easily. Easily the fastest way to piss off a writer is to demand bullshit on command--we may dish it out, but that doesn't mean we like it, and that doesn't make it an acceptable text message practice.
And the worst of all...
5. The Unreturned Text- Day or night, rain or shine, my cell phone is always within an earshot. I could be sleeping, going to the bathroom, or performing open heart surgery--if I receive a text, I am well aware of the fact. That's why The Unreturned Text is Numero Uno on my short list of Things I Cannot Stand. I understand the various reasons for not responding to a message in a moment's notice; life exists outside of a cell phone, and most certainly out of a few lines of written text. However, after 24 hours have elapsed, a girl could start to think something has gone wrong. Maybe you've been kidnapped by terrorists and I should alert the Department of Homeland Security. Maybe you've fallen into a well and I need to fetch Lassie lest you get eaten by Samara. At any rate, not responding to a text message says several things, the most important being that I was not important enough to respond to.
So here is what I'm going to do. I am going to take my own advice and give my thumbs a rest. As for the rest of you, well...you know my number. Call it.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
5 Signs that Preschoolers Know More About Life than We Do
As a teacher aide, I am privy to some of the most witty yet insightful comedy in the South Bay. Sure, they may be three years old, but they know what's up.
1. A standard preschool practice for children is the grand announcement that they are going to the bathroom. They march off to the toilet, do their business, and return in a flurry of pride, energy, and excitement--the result of an empty colon. One little boy was particularly pleased to inform me that he could "wipe his butt all by himself." I can't understand why more people don't brag about that skill on their Match.com profiles.
2. Lunchtime has long been considered an opportunity to enjoy food with colleagues, but in the preschool world, it is so much more. Upon learning that another little girl or boy has the same Capri Sun as you, a loud declaration is made for the rest of the lunchtable to hear--"Now we can be friends!" Heaven forbid they both have Goldfish, or apple sauce, or strawberry kiwi flavored Gogurt (which, by the way, is completely lukewarm at this point...ice packs are a thing of the past apparently). The second item sets their companionship in stone, at least until they wear the same colored leggings--then they're soulmates.
3. The socially unacceptable practice of genitalia comparison is quite popular among the three to four year old crowd. On more than one occasion, I have unintentionally stumbled upon a pair of preschoolers giving each other anatomy lessons in the bathroom. And despite our scolding, they remain eerily aware of the one vital difference between boys and girls. Not that it deters them from going potty in front of opposite sex or asking me to me to button their pants post pee-break with a sly grin on their face.
4. While "nails on a chalkboard" is a commonly used term to symbolize loud, obnoxious noises, it seems that preschoolers have perfected the art of hitting the kind of pitch akin to a dog whistle. Whether it be a Lincoln log dragged slowly across a table or a dry marker scratched rapidly on paper, these sounds result in instantaneous reactions from teachers to their delight. These outbursts are merely symbolic of the pubescent hell in years to come when these adorable rascals hit high school and a Lincoln log turns into a bong.
5. The formulaic "boy meets girl" story, though commonly viewed as a coming of age tale, is prevalent among teenagers and preschoolers alike. Similar to comparing food to friendship, boys and girls of the toddler persuasion are equally likely to compare playmates to relationships. While we have several couples who are going steady, I have seen everything from love triangles to full on catfights over boys who couldn't even wipe their own bottoms post poo. A favorite little boy of mine happened to be looking particularly glum one day; when I asked him what was wrong, he confessed that he had been dumped. I did my best to scale down the pearls of wisdom my elders had bestowed upon me, reassuring him that I was sure she'd play with him in the sandbox tomorrow. Tears welling in his eyes, he solemnly nodded his head and as a parting sentiment, proclaimed "I don't understand girls."
Amazing how much older and wiser we claim to be, and yet somehow the simplest things are only visible through the eyes of a toddler. Though we may grow up, the same complications plague our lives, and while he may be nineteen years my junior, we still have something in common--the neverending saga of the "boy meets girl" tale.
1. A standard preschool practice for children is the grand announcement that they are going to the bathroom. They march off to the toilet, do their business, and return in a flurry of pride, energy, and excitement--the result of an empty colon. One little boy was particularly pleased to inform me that he could "wipe his butt all by himself." I can't understand why more people don't brag about that skill on their Match.com profiles.
2. Lunchtime has long been considered an opportunity to enjoy food with colleagues, but in the preschool world, it is so much more. Upon learning that another little girl or boy has the same Capri Sun as you, a loud declaration is made for the rest of the lunchtable to hear--"Now we can be friends!" Heaven forbid they both have Goldfish, or apple sauce, or strawberry kiwi flavored Gogurt (which, by the way, is completely lukewarm at this point...ice packs are a thing of the past apparently). The second item sets their companionship in stone, at least until they wear the same colored leggings--then they're soulmates.
3. The socially unacceptable practice of genitalia comparison is quite popular among the three to four year old crowd. On more than one occasion, I have unintentionally stumbled upon a pair of preschoolers giving each other anatomy lessons in the bathroom. And despite our scolding, they remain eerily aware of the one vital difference between boys and girls. Not that it deters them from going potty in front of opposite sex or asking me to me to button their pants post pee-break with a sly grin on their face.
4. While "nails on a chalkboard" is a commonly used term to symbolize loud, obnoxious noises, it seems that preschoolers have perfected the art of hitting the kind of pitch akin to a dog whistle. Whether it be a Lincoln log dragged slowly across a table or a dry marker scratched rapidly on paper, these sounds result in instantaneous reactions from teachers to their delight. These outbursts are merely symbolic of the pubescent hell in years to come when these adorable rascals hit high school and a Lincoln log turns into a bong.
5. The formulaic "boy meets girl" story, though commonly viewed as a coming of age tale, is prevalent among teenagers and preschoolers alike. Similar to comparing food to friendship, boys and girls of the toddler persuasion are equally likely to compare playmates to relationships. While we have several couples who are going steady, I have seen everything from love triangles to full on catfights over boys who couldn't even wipe their own bottoms post poo. A favorite little boy of mine happened to be looking particularly glum one day; when I asked him what was wrong, he confessed that he had been dumped. I did my best to scale down the pearls of wisdom my elders had bestowed upon me, reassuring him that I was sure she'd play with him in the sandbox tomorrow. Tears welling in his eyes, he solemnly nodded his head and as a parting sentiment, proclaimed "I don't understand girls."
Amazing how much older and wiser we claim to be, and yet somehow the simplest things are only visible through the eyes of a toddler. Though we may grow up, the same complications plague our lives, and while he may be nineteen years my junior, we still have something in common--the neverending saga of the "boy meets girl" tale.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I scratch your back, you scratch...nothing
Reciprocity. In the simplest of terms, reciprocation can be broken down into the following--you do a favor for someone and they do a favor for you in return. Whether it be covering for a coworker, visiting someone, or comiscerating with a friend over a recent breakup, we all do these little things in life not only out of love, but out of the understanding that the other party would do the same for you. However, what happens when things start become one sided?
I seem to find myself in this situation time after time. Putting the needs of others before my own might seem to be a redeemable quality, but only in moderation. I happen to be an extremist when it comes to doing things for the significant players in my life. Girl's night with champagne, cookie dough, and Kleenex after your fifth breakup? My treat. Ride to the airport at 2 am? No problem. Need an extra set of hands to move you into your apartment in the peak heat of summer? Sure, I could use the exercise. And while I wish I could say these were dramatic exaggerations for literary purposes, sadly that is not the case.
With all these one-sided relationships in my life, I've started to think about when reciprocity became such a foreign concept. Am I that much of a doormat that people think this is an acceptable way to treat me, or is it something else? Has society ingrained such a heavy reliance on others that as a result, I rely on no one?
A concept that goes hand in hand with reciprocity is independence. I spent the majority of my young adult life in an unhealthy relationship based on my physical and mental dependence on my boyfriend. When I was finally able to break free, it took a long time before I felt I was capable of being on my own. Since then, I have been involved with several people, but have maintained a strong sense of indepedence. Could it be that the lack of reciprocity in my life stems not from my friends' unwillingness to give help, but my inability to ask for it?
I may not be able to depend on others is some parts of my life, but when it comes to relationships with friends, co workers, and the opposite sex, a little reciprocity goes a long way.
I seem to find myself in this situation time after time. Putting the needs of others before my own might seem to be a redeemable quality, but only in moderation. I happen to be an extremist when it comes to doing things for the significant players in my life. Girl's night with champagne, cookie dough, and Kleenex after your fifth breakup? My treat. Ride to the airport at 2 am? No problem. Need an extra set of hands to move you into your apartment in the peak heat of summer? Sure, I could use the exercise. And while I wish I could say these were dramatic exaggerations for literary purposes, sadly that is not the case.
With all these one-sided relationships in my life, I've started to think about when reciprocity became such a foreign concept. Am I that much of a doormat that people think this is an acceptable way to treat me, or is it something else? Has society ingrained such a heavy reliance on others that as a result, I rely on no one?
A concept that goes hand in hand with reciprocity is independence. I spent the majority of my young adult life in an unhealthy relationship based on my physical and mental dependence on my boyfriend. When I was finally able to break free, it took a long time before I felt I was capable of being on my own. Since then, I have been involved with several people, but have maintained a strong sense of indepedence. Could it be that the lack of reciprocity in my life stems not from my friends' unwillingness to give help, but my inability to ask for it?
I may not be able to depend on others is some parts of my life, but when it comes to relationships with friends, co workers, and the opposite sex, a little reciprocity goes a long way.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Something every person seems to hope for on the verge of the coming new year is change. Change is a pretty broad term to use, but when we find ourselves at the end of a decade that marks the most formidable years of our lives, it's the only word that comes to mind.
So rather than waxing existentially about change in terms of other people, I'm opting for some personal insight about what I'd like to change in 2010.
1--Fashion throwbacks to the 80s. Really, I'm quite sick of the so called "hipster" subculture that has emerged over the past three years. Leggings as pants is just as socially unacceptable now as it should have been in 1986. Neon does not look attractive on anyone. Feathered hair should be limited to Farrah Fawcett and the rest of the Charlie's Angels. And you know the only reason sane women find Michael Cera attractive is because of his certain alt indie appeal.
2--The monogamy trend. I know I'm repeating myself, but the category of single men in their early to mid twenties is shockingly non existent. How is a future trophy wife supposed to snag a beau when everyone already has a date to the 34th Annual Newport Beach Clam Bake? How is an aspiring soccer mom supposed to meet her soccer dad when all the coaches are taken? Your twenties exist for a reason--to continue where your college years left off and have a good time. In a grown up way, of course.
3--Female empowerment. Something I've been encountering during my interactions with the opposite sex is the idea that women and men are suddenly "equal." While I'd like to say this is true, I have seen too many instances of inequality in both professional and social environments. However, the idea of "female empowerment" is something that men have suddenly picked up on, and rather than abolish it, they exploit it. Since when is a date a date if a man expects you to pay for everything? Why am I expected to open my own car door and buckle my seat belt too when I'm just a weak little female? I get lost walking down the street, why do I have to drive? Give me the days of 'ole where my only expectations were a clean house and a hot meal at 5 pm. And child bearing hips.
4--Romantic comedies. This film trend has been on the rise ever since "Jerry Maguire" became a hit in '96. You know what I would like to see more of? Zombie movies. Give me a hacksaw, blood, and the undead anyday over the "You complete me" bs spilling out of Tom Cruise's mouth.
So rather than waxing existentially about change in terms of other people, I'm opting for some personal insight about what I'd like to change in 2010.
1--Fashion throwbacks to the 80s. Really, I'm quite sick of the so called "hipster" subculture that has emerged over the past three years. Leggings as pants is just as socially unacceptable now as it should have been in 1986. Neon does not look attractive on anyone. Feathered hair should be limited to Farrah Fawcett and the rest of the Charlie's Angels. And you know the only reason sane women find Michael Cera attractive is because of his certain alt indie appeal.
2--The monogamy trend. I know I'm repeating myself, but the category of single men in their early to mid twenties is shockingly non existent. How is a future trophy wife supposed to snag a beau when everyone already has a date to the 34th Annual Newport Beach Clam Bake? How is an aspiring soccer mom supposed to meet her soccer dad when all the coaches are taken? Your twenties exist for a reason--to continue where your college years left off and have a good time. In a grown up way, of course.
3--Female empowerment. Something I've been encountering during my interactions with the opposite sex is the idea that women and men are suddenly "equal." While I'd like to say this is true, I have seen too many instances of inequality in both professional and social environments. However, the idea of "female empowerment" is something that men have suddenly picked up on, and rather than abolish it, they exploit it. Since when is a date a date if a man expects you to pay for everything? Why am I expected to open my own car door and buckle my seat belt too when I'm just a weak little female? I get lost walking down the street, why do I have to drive? Give me the days of 'ole where my only expectations were a clean house and a hot meal at 5 pm. And child bearing hips.
4--Romantic comedies. This film trend has been on the rise ever since "Jerry Maguire" became a hit in '96. You know what I would like to see more of? Zombie movies. Give me a hacksaw, blood, and the undead anyday over the "You complete me" bs spilling out of Tom Cruise's mouth.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
The Facebook Deletion Taboo
Maybe you did it in a fit of rage. Maybe you had one too many rum and Cokes. Maybe you were unsure what the side effects of blocking a person were. At any rate, it's safe to say that Facebook friend deletion has become the new social taboo of our generation. Not only does it signify the end of secretly stalking that person (which, by the way, both women AND men are guilty of...just ask if the title "Undie Run Album" means anything to them), but quite possibly the end of your friendship in real life. There's nothing like sitting down at your computer with your daily bowl of Cheerios in front of you, only to realize that you've been brutally deleted from someone's life. When did social networking replace actual human interaction? Why have Facebook relationships replaced those based in reality?
Facebook has become a means of legitimizing our rung on the social ladder. After all, what's more exciting about getting a new beau--the fact that you have a boyfriend, or the fact that you get to declare it to 35 million people via your relationship status? Posting photos is not just an easy way to share pictures with friends, but a prime opportunity to sell yourself to thousands of horny undergrad males just dying to show off albums of you in your underwear to their friends.
Yet again I'm being entirely hypocritical, for not only do I post obscene amounts of photos, I also committed the taboo. I deleted someone off Facebook. Admittedly this was done under the influence of alcohol, but I don't use that as an excuse, simply an explanation. However stupid and childish it may have been, I never expected the reaction that this friend deletion garnered, and it's made me think about the values we place on Facebook relationships over real ones. Does it honestly matter if we're friends on cyberspace if we're friends in real life? I didn't think so.
Ultimately, I realized I made a mistake and re added my friend, but imagine my dismay when I learned they had rejected my request! If Facebook has truly replaced the actual ties of friendship with another person, then maybe it's for the best...after all, I have 871 more people on my friends list to keep me company.
Facebook has become a means of legitimizing our rung on the social ladder. After all, what's more exciting about getting a new beau--the fact that you have a boyfriend, or the fact that you get to declare it to 35 million people via your relationship status? Posting photos is not just an easy way to share pictures with friends, but a prime opportunity to sell yourself to thousands of horny undergrad males just dying to show off albums of you in your underwear to their friends.
Yet again I'm being entirely hypocritical, for not only do I post obscene amounts of photos, I also committed the taboo. I deleted someone off Facebook. Admittedly this was done under the influence of alcohol, but I don't use that as an excuse, simply an explanation. However stupid and childish it may have been, I never expected the reaction that this friend deletion garnered, and it's made me think about the values we place on Facebook relationships over real ones. Does it honestly matter if we're friends on cyberspace if we're friends in real life? I didn't think so.
Ultimately, I realized I made a mistake and re added my friend, but imagine my dismay when I learned they had rejected my request! If Facebook has truly replaced the actual ties of friendship with another person, then maybe it's for the best...after all, I have 871 more people on my friends list to keep me company.
Friday, December 4, 2009
The Curious Case of the Ex Boyfriend
Everyone has them. The former prince charming, love of your life, can't-be-apart-for-more-than-30-seconds ex boyfriend. These are the men from our past-- the ones who cheated, lied, and significantly fucked us up for any and all future relationships we dare to embark upon. There are some who choose to make a clean break, severing ties on and off the internet (though I must admit, Facebook deletion is the ultimate slap in the face). However, there are a few brave souls who choose an alternate route when it comes to the infamous exes, and that is the pathethic and ever disappointing stab at post breakup friendship.
I personally happen to be one of the crazy people out there that actually believes friendship with an ex is possible. With time, however, I'm slowly coming to learn that true to Billy Crystal's word in "When Harry Met Sally," men and women cannot be friends.
There are several factors that taint male/female friendship without the added complication of a prior boyfriend/girlfriend status, but the number one reason is sex. No matter what people claim, sex is the driving force in most 18-26 year olds' lives. This is the primary reason why friendship between men and women is inevitably doomed to become tainted by either a one sided or mutual attraction between parties. In summation, sex kills friendship.
Back to the ex factor. To quote another celeb, look to songstress Whitney Houston for the ever poignant and straightforward 90s ballad, "I Will Always Love You." The title says it all. No matter how many years have passed or how many bottles of tequila have been consumed whilst cursing the day they were born, there will always been a part of you, no matter how infinitesimally small, that still loves them. And though you will date and fall in love with many others, all it takes is that one song or that one place or that one stupid scene in Love Actually with the guy and the flashcards and the "To me, you are perfect," bullshit for you to think of them.
Which brings me back to my original query--why stay friends with exes when you're basically dooming yourself to future of misery?
I'd say that within my short lifetime, I've had about 3 significant relationships with men and have maintained friendships with all of them. However, what I'm starting to realize is that one of the reasons I keep them as friends is to remind myself that once upon a time, things were wonderful and easy, and the reason these friendships don't work is because I am constantly reminded of how one-sided they have become. Once a person shifts from girlfriend to friend who's a girl, her level of importance changes. Even the term "significant other" connotates a sense of the place this person used to hold in your life. However, once a "former" is stuck in front of the term, things change.
So while I'm not about to cut ties with the men of my past, I'm not going to prolong the rut of nostalgia between us either. After all, there's a reason they didn't make it to my future.
I personally happen to be one of the crazy people out there that actually believes friendship with an ex is possible. With time, however, I'm slowly coming to learn that true to Billy Crystal's word in "When Harry Met Sally," men and women cannot be friends.
There are several factors that taint male/female friendship without the added complication of a prior boyfriend/girlfriend status, but the number one reason is sex. No matter what people claim, sex is the driving force in most 18-26 year olds' lives. This is the primary reason why friendship between men and women is inevitably doomed to become tainted by either a one sided or mutual attraction between parties. In summation, sex kills friendship.
Back to the ex factor. To quote another celeb, look to songstress Whitney Houston for the ever poignant and straightforward 90s ballad, "I Will Always Love You." The title says it all. No matter how many years have passed or how many bottles of tequila have been consumed whilst cursing the day they were born, there will always been a part of you, no matter how infinitesimally small, that still loves them. And though you will date and fall in love with many others, all it takes is that one song or that one place or that one stupid scene in Love Actually with the guy and the flashcards and the "To me, you are perfect," bullshit for you to think of them.
Which brings me back to my original query--why stay friends with exes when you're basically dooming yourself to future of misery?
I'd say that within my short lifetime, I've had about 3 significant relationships with men and have maintained friendships with all of them. However, what I'm starting to realize is that one of the reasons I keep them as friends is to remind myself that once upon a time, things were wonderful and easy, and the reason these friendships don't work is because I am constantly reminded of how one-sided they have become. Once a person shifts from girlfriend to friend who's a girl, her level of importance changes. Even the term "significant other" connotates a sense of the place this person used to hold in your life. However, once a "former" is stuck in front of the term, things change.
So while I'm not about to cut ties with the men of my past, I'm not going to prolong the rut of nostalgia between us either. After all, there's a reason they didn't make it to my future.
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