Reciprocity. In the simplest of terms, reciprocation can be broken down into the following--you do a favor for someone and they do a favor for you in return. Whether it be covering for a coworker, visiting someone, or comiscerating with a friend over a recent breakup, we all do these little things in life not only out of love, but out of the understanding that the other party would do the same for you. However, what happens when things start become one sided?
I seem to find myself in this situation time after time. Putting the needs of others before my own might seem to be a redeemable quality, but only in moderation. I happen to be an extremist when it comes to doing things for the significant players in my life. Girl's night with champagne, cookie dough, and Kleenex after your fifth breakup? My treat. Ride to the airport at 2 am? No problem. Need an extra set of hands to move you into your apartment in the peak heat of summer? Sure, I could use the exercise. And while I wish I could say these were dramatic exaggerations for literary purposes, sadly that is not the case.
With all these one-sided relationships in my life, I've started to think about when reciprocity became such a foreign concept. Am I that much of a doormat that people think this is an acceptable way to treat me, or is it something else? Has society ingrained such a heavy reliance on others that as a result, I rely on no one?
A concept that goes hand in hand with reciprocity is independence. I spent the majority of my young adult life in an unhealthy relationship based on my physical and mental dependence on my boyfriend. When I was finally able to break free, it took a long time before I felt I was capable of being on my own. Since then, I have been involved with several people, but have maintained a strong sense of indepedence. Could it be that the lack of reciprocity in my life stems not from my friends' unwillingness to give help, but my inability to ask for it?
I may not be able to depend on others is some parts of my life, but when it comes to relationships with friends, co workers, and the opposite sex, a little reciprocity goes a long way.
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Well...a big part of it is that you have a kind heart. And more often then not, those people who are kind tend to get used, even if the other party doesn't realize they are doing it.
ReplyDeleteBut it is utterly important never to lose that kindness....because there is so little left of it in this world. You are one of the kindest people i have ever met Jessie.
And never mistake independence for an inability to ask for help. a key factor of being an independent person is that you can choose when to ask for help, and ultimately you don't have to rely on anyone to help you. You know you can do it alone. Your independent in your ability to chose wether or not to seek help.
There is an old saying that may help ya. "Those who seek help, will find it, but often not in the place they were looking for to begin with."
Anyways...if you ever have anything bothering you....drop me a line....Ive been known to have a few kernels of good advice from time to time.