Everyone has them. The former prince charming, love of your life, can't-be-apart-for-more-than-30-seconds ex boyfriend. These are the men from our past-- the ones who cheated, lied, and significantly fucked us up for any and all future relationships we dare to embark upon. There are some who choose to make a clean break, severing ties on and off the internet (though I must admit, Facebook deletion is the ultimate slap in the face). However, there are a few brave souls who choose an alternate route when it comes to the infamous exes, and that is the pathethic and ever disappointing stab at post breakup friendship.
I personally happen to be one of the crazy people out there that actually believes friendship with an ex is possible. With time, however, I'm slowly coming to learn that true to Billy Crystal's word in "When Harry Met Sally," men and women cannot be friends.
There are several factors that taint male/female friendship without the added complication of a prior boyfriend/girlfriend status, but the number one reason is sex. No matter what people claim, sex is the driving force in most 18-26 year olds' lives. This is the primary reason why friendship between men and women is inevitably doomed to become tainted by either a one sided or mutual attraction between parties. In summation, sex kills friendship.
Back to the ex factor. To quote another celeb, look to songstress Whitney Houston for the ever poignant and straightforward 90s ballad, "I Will Always Love You." The title says it all. No matter how many years have passed or how many bottles of tequila have been consumed whilst cursing the day they were born, there will always been a part of you, no matter how infinitesimally small, that still loves them. And though you will date and fall in love with many others, all it takes is that one song or that one place or that one stupid scene in Love Actually with the guy and the flashcards and the "To me, you are perfect," bullshit for you to think of them.
Which brings me back to my original query--why stay friends with exes when you're basically dooming yourself to future of misery?
I'd say that within my short lifetime, I've had about 3 significant relationships with men and have maintained friendships with all of them. However, what I'm starting to realize is that one of the reasons I keep them as friends is to remind myself that once upon a time, things were wonderful and easy, and the reason these friendships don't work is because I am constantly reminded of how one-sided they have become. Once a person shifts from girlfriend to friend who's a girl, her level of importance changes. Even the term "significant other" connotates a sense of the place this person used to hold in your life. However, once a "former" is stuck in front of the term, things change.
So while I'm not about to cut ties with the men of my past, I'm not going to prolong the rut of nostalgia between us either. After all, there's a reason they didn't make it to my future.
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