Ode to my Onesie

There comes a time in every girl's life where she wakes up one day and realizes something is missing. "What could it be?" you might ask. Is it a new car? Is it a sparkly diamond? Is it a sweet piece of man candy by the name of Brad? No, my friends, the answer is oh so much greater than Brad--it is the onesie. Known to some as "footie pajamas," this classic sleepwear look was worn predominantly in our childhood, to the delight or disgust of others. They have graced sleepovers and Christmas cards alike, making a bold fashion statement to anyone daring to be seen with a child forced into a onesie by their parents. As the years passed and our sleep attire has become more and more scandelous with age, it's time we take back our youth with this fleecy delight.

As the onesie market is severely limited to children under the age of 14, size and color selection are imperative in executing this classy throwback to our yesteryears. Whilst perusing the children's clothing section at my local Target, I was shocked to find an overabundance of designs in the little boy's aisle. Dinosaurs, rocketships, racecars...essentially the trifecta of cool in terms of prepubescent men.

While the choice was not easy, I settled on a black design adorned with glow in the dark skulls for several reasons--
1. Skulls are badass. Naturally my goal is to look as cool as humanly possible in a onesie.
2. Guys dig chicks who glow in the dark. And naturally, my other goal is purchasing a onesie is to pick up guys.
3. It unzips down to my foot. This opens the door for endless amounts of inappropriate fun.
4. I can listen to Avril Lavigne and Sum 41 while wearing it and feel even MORE punk rock than I already am.

So friends, if you're wondering what exactly it will take to fill that gigantic hole in your life, put down the bottle of Jack Daniels and get yourself a onesie. You can thank me later.